Tuesday, May 15, 2012

things i'm afraid to tell you

This has been circulating around the blog-o-sphere for a few weeks now.
I originally saw it over on Creature Comforts and loved the transparency
of the other bloggers so much, that I decided it was time
for me to "get real" on my blog as well.

For so long now (almost 4 years) I have kept at arms length with getting personal on my blog. I don't know why... insecurities, vulnerability, afraid I might scare all my readers away... it could be any one of those. But very recently I have been challenged by friends and other bloggers to begin to show more of myself and who I really am. So, with that said, here is my "Things I'm afraid to tell you" post.

What am I most afraid to tell you?

Micah and I are trying to adopt. 

You might ask: why are you afraid to tell us that? That seems like a great thing!
Yes, it is a great, exciting, and joyous thing to be embarking on! But the thing that I'm afraid to tell you is that the process has been long, hard, and emotional.  Many days it's hard for me to be motivated to do anything... cook, blog, work, get out of bed...and every day that goes by where we don't get the "phone call" telling us we have a baby, is a day that feels like my heart is breaking. 

With that said, I know one thing, which gives me hope (most days)...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path."
That gives me hope in the hard times.

What are the things that your afraid to tell?

(the basic idea behind the "things I'm afraid to tell you" posts are to show a more realistic look into our lives- instead of the perfected versions that are often portrayed on the internet. The lives where our laundry isn’t always folded and color coordinated, dinners aren’t always spectacular and styled, and where we’re met with real situations that aren’t all rainbows and glitter - via: Courtney Khail)


Carrissa said...

I'm so thankful for your genuine realness! It's like a deep breath of fresh air. Rawness can be a good thing!

libby ethridge said...

I loved that you wrote this; my eyes are a little teary as I write this. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post.

frikken DUCKIE said...

Love that you shared this! When the day finally comes that you get to hold your child in your arms, you'll realize that everything that you went through was worth it.

I think sharing more of your experiences on your blog is a good thing. When the time comes, your child can look back to it and understand the struggles and triumphs on your journey towards motherhood - sort of like how some women have pregnancy journals.

Hang in there, it's all a part of HIS plan.

♥ Duckie.


Ever Evolving said...

My eyes are all watery too. I know this was huge for you to write and is extremely vulnerable. God has a perfect plan for you and Micah, even though I know it's hard to trust in it all now. Praying for you all the time. You are loved and will be an incredible mama once God gives you the perfect child for your family. Love you!